Mother, where are you now? Everything is burning, Your daughter is, your home is, I am.

If you come from a home where talking about your feelings and voicing problems is denied, where shame, neglect, silence or passive aggressive behaviour are exploited.. it might be difficult to open yourself up not to continue the vicious cycle of your home.

But I believe in you. You can learn to speak up and voice your feelings, learn to scream and experience that people can truthfully forgive and love you even if you show them all the darkness you are so anxious about. But it takes therapy, work and a lot of braveness. You’ll get a chance to do it differently than your parents, to be genuine and warm to people without the tools that were used on you. You deserve love.

To the Parents: Privilege and money are not enough to teach a child love and empathy. Just claiming to love is not enough. Take your kids serious. Reflection, critique and appreciation are part of loving. Asking questions, giving answers is part of loving. I beg you, try giving your children a safe space where they can open up and show them value in communication. Otherwise they might run away from you one day or hurt many other people not being able to feel empathy, to voice their thoughts or mistake love for the weird construct of power and abuse you taught them.

Anger is okay, sadness is okay. Pleasure and joy are okay. It’s okay to be unique, it’s okay to confront people with their behaviour, it’s okay to just hold and love them, it’s okay to say that it’s not okay, it’s okay to apologise and okay to forgive. It’s okay to have feelings and voice them.

Silence is a breeding ground for abuse. Nothing will ever solve by assuming, avoiding, neglecting. I promise you it’s never too late to seek help, therapy and try to reconnect with your kids or loved ones. Just look closely, hold them accountable but be there for them.