Now

Hey cookies! WE ARE LIVE!

With the Launch of this site it’s about time to talk about where we are now! This work was never created with success in mind. It wasn’t planned as a career move, a brand, or a strategy. It started because something in me needed structure instead of silence. Over the last year, this project became a way to stop fragmenting myself. I crafted 38 finished artworks. I lost around 40 kilos. I recorded vocal covers, not to perform, but to relearn how to use my voice and reconnect with music as something physical and honest again.

None of this happened as a sudden transformation. It accumulated slowly - through discipline, obsession, doubt, repetition, and the refusal to quit halfway. Well, at the cost of my sanity as well. For most of my life, I avoided committing fully to art and music. Not because I didn’t care, but because caring too much felt dangerous. I hid behind the idea that these were “just some of the things I do,” as if keeping them small would keep me safe. At some point this became dishonest.

This work stopped being casual. It stopped being something I could stack in drawers or reduce to sketches on a wall. It had a language, a continuity, a psychological and emotional arc. It deserved space - not because it is perfect, but because it is real and sustained. This website exists now for that reason.

Not to convince anyone.
Not to impress.
Not to explain myself away.

It exists as a container. An archive in progress. A place where the work can exist without apology or fragmentation. I don’t expect everyone to connect with it. You don’t have to like it. But this is a part of me, and pretending otherwise would be another form of self-erasure. Putting this work out into the world is not about claiming importance. It’s about refusing to keep gaslighting myself into thinking that something this persistent, this demanding, and this formative doesn’t deserve to be treated seriously.

I wish this would also seal wounds and contribute to my mental health but for the most part I had to learn that diving into these topics, looking for answers all by myself and in therapy, embracing the darkness and the questions and the mirror - it takes alot of energy, bravery and devotion - but I would not be me if I was a quitter, right? So I remain, walk through it without turning away from pain. My heart is lost, that’s a fact - as is my love. But this new soul - it stays. The progress i’ve made - it stays, just like my art. I thrive, but within a war over my body, mind and soul - there is no day where I don’t miss peace and a warm embrace or a kind word.

That being said I’m still in love with a ghost, sometimes more than ever. But I’ve also grown more than ever, learned to withstand the violence in my heart and the fear that holds me back, transformed stasis into movement.

Just days ago I learned that there is a huge promotion in my job on the way which will take alot of energy and time over the next two years and I hope I can maintain what I’m doing here on a similar level as I did so far, even while having to study alot.

This is where I am right now As The work continues.

my love does not fade.

Alex